June 17, 2008

I finally saw X-Men: The Last Stand

I know this isn't exactly a timely film review ... hell, it's not a review at all. It's a response--and therefore I take no responsibility for it. Anyhow, I've had a hell of a time staying awake through this movie, which I've tried to watch at least three times. It's those damned angst-ridden quiet spots that get me, I guess. Then I wake up at the loud parts, wondering what the heck is going on.

(It must be acknowledged that putting me to sleep is not necessarily a sign that a movie sucks. I still don't know how Cary Grant gets from the cornfield to Mount Rushmore. And I used to fall asleep daily in somebody's comfy chair, regardless of what was on the television (I think it was Roseanne usually). It wasn't the company or the entertainment ... honest!)

Well, this time, I stayed awake through the whole thing, which until just now I thought was called X-Men 3. I don't know what it says about me that Mystique's mystique (if you will, as it were) pretty much disappeared when she changed from scaly blue Star Trek-type woman to plain old naked, demurely posed Rebecca Romijn-minus-Stamos. Not worth exploring, I guess, until I meet a scaly blue hot mutant. "Why Smurfette, my how you've grown!" (The link is SFW, gang ... that's how we kick it here in the Wordshed. But don't search Google for Smurfette with Safe Search off).

And Kelsey Grammer is every bit as annoying as his misspelled last name even when he's a furry blue knowitall pompous ass. The more things change, the more they remain things, as somebody used to say. Minor, insignificant denouement spoiler: Rewarding Beast by making him ambassador to the UN is only slightly less funny than making Indiana Jones an assistant dean, but not much (fun fact: both are named Henry!).

But here's the point. I don't think these films work for me--or maybe they do work for me--because basically, Magneto is right. The humans are stupid, bad and bent on genocide. The Xavierites are well-meaning collaborationists. Magneto isn't selfish, greedy, or hedonistic. He is an overly enthusiastic ideologue, full of passionate intensity, but lots of people are. Go, bad guys!


NYMary said...

But don't search Google for Smurfette with Safe Search off.

You are not kidding about that, my friend. (shudders)

Michael said...

I've watched North By Northwest 4 times and have always slept through some crucial part of it. Of course, I do have cinemanarcolepsy, whether in the theater or at home. But I've never figured out why that particular movie is so well respected. Individual sequences are fine, but as a whole, well, I'm not going to try a 5th time.

And you're totally right about Magneto. Plus, he's Sir Ian McKellen, damnit!