March 15, 2008

Not in the mood

I guess horror is yet another genre that has left me behind. I'm watching House of Wax (on FX, because I'm THAT cheap), and I'm guessing I'm getting a similar experience to what I'd be getting in the theatre, minus perhaps a breast or two, some profanity (the film favors "idiot" over "asshole"-- eh, whatever), and probably some gore.

So where do I start? Paris Hilton? No, she's okay, though I have to confess that her disproportionately small face is a real problem for me. But I'll save that for another entry. With the "kids get lost in the creepy small southern town motif?" Yawn. But no. Everybody knows the south is a scary place! My gripe is with the dramatically fussy waxing method with lots of cool, nasty apparatus. The fetishization of torture that you see in films like Saw, Hostel, etc. doesn't do this one any favors. You see this when it goes back and forth between the girl getting chased and the guy getting waxed ... her scenes are suspenseful, but his are clinical and fairly tiresome. But obviously people love watching this stuff, right? Who? And whose side are we supposed to be on when we watch a horror movie?

Finally, the allusion/quotation/ripoff of Whatever Happened to Baby Jane? just underscores the crappiness of this movie. Watch that one if you want to see a good movie. Joan Crawford is great, as always.

Oh, and I'm tired of these Guinness ads. I guess that's the price we pay for free TV.

Wait--there's a great twist towards the end of the film (I told you I'm still watching it). Not to spoil the film for you, but conjoined twins = horror gold!

And if this were an actual conversation, this is where I would repeat the often-repeated rumor that Andy Garcia is a formerly conjoined twin.

Next time: Why Andy Garcia is one of my favorite actors. Hint: It's NOT because he's a formerly conjoined twin!

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