Vindicating Cassandra

I hate I hate I hate the "Verbing Proper Name" film title cliche. So here I go, breaking all the rules ...

Well, I can't say I didn't see this coming. Signs like these are popping up all over the place. I've been trying to spread the word about the lizard man phenomenon for decades now--literally decades! This is happening, folks ... we are the generation.

Here it is: it seems to me impossible to deny that before humans evolved, a species of bipedal lizard people walked the earth (for an interesting and less tongue-in-cheek discussion, see here).

I maintain that these lizard people walked the earth at the same time as our ancestors. There's tons of evidence to support this, of course ... the serpent in Genesis, lizard- and snake-headed beings in warm-weather mythologies all around the globe, Quetzalcoatl and whatnot. What else could explain the Jungian persistence of these images in our pop culture?

So what happened? Quite simply, climate change. They outlasted their fellow dinosaurs because they were able to move inside, but ultimately, the placental mammals beat them out (my antimarsupial bias is showing, I know). Where did they go? The answers are obvious: to Atlantis, which sank (if this is so obvious to me and to Donovan, why can't the rest of you grasp it?); to the center of the earth (hollow earth theory is everywhere on the web, but I'd prefer not to link to it here); and of course into space.

They also retreated into us (this is the part some of you will find implausible, I suppose, but bear with me). They operated sophisticated breeding programs, burying their genetic code and whatnot (look, what am I, a scientist? I'll leave the details to others) in our apelike ancestors. They fragmented themselves and scattered themselves across the globe at the molecular level, and over the epochs, these genes or whatever are gathering themselves together again, randomly but inexorably, and certain people--some of them in positions of great power--are in fact about 49% lizard people, unwittingly working their reptilian wills on us as the rest of us devolve, getting the world ready for:

The Lizard Man Apocalypse!

Don't say I didn't warn you. I hope everyone who reads this understands how seriously I'm taking this and how sincere I am.