tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-79244689511548260092024-03-05T07:22:57.994-05:00WordshedThe Revolution Will Be AnnotatedUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger279125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-79910269176975979932012-11-19T11:50:00.000-05:002012-11-19T11:52:49.919-05:00Twice BittenSo I posted another free ad in Craigslist, this time to offer a pile of gravel free for the hauling. I'd like it out of my yard, and people are always looking for "clean fill" (judging from the signs I see on my travels).<br />
<br />
You meet the most interesting people on Craigslist! <a href="http://wordshed.blogspot.com/2012/07/no-good-deed-goes-unpunished.html" target="_blank">As I have chronicled herein</a>. Based on proposals I have received in the past that are clearly scams, suggesting that I ship large, heavy items great distances, that I accept personal checks or money orders for amounts IN EXCESS of what I'm asking for the item (and sending back the difference, minus some amount for my trouble) I have begun to stipulate that I want to deal only with locals and only on a cash basis (when money is changing hands). I don't understand how somebody can scam you when you're already giving the item away, but, I'm sure there are ways.<br />
<br />
My ad for the gravel read, in part, as follows:<br />
<br />
2. Don't play games ... be a real person with the ability to load and haul gravel. <br />
3. Be local ... tell me roughly where you're coming from so I know you're a real person.<br />
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Pretty unreasonable, right? What could I have been thinking? Fortunately, an anonymous correspondence has shown me the error of my ways, pointing out that I'm a "jack ass."<br />
<br />
How dare I attempt to impose such draconian terms on this transaction!<br />
<br />
I'm weird, I know, but I believe that there is such a thing as mutual benefit. You need gravel and have time and energy ... I have gravel and need space where gravel used to be ... maybe we can work something out. <br />
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But for some people, I think there's no such thing as "free enough."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-1033359953311066862012-09-16T11:31:00.000-04:002012-09-16T11:31:54.603-04:00Nam Sibyllam Lorem IpsumTo the long list of conference papers I'll never get around to writing, let us add the following: <div>
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<b>The Chair She Shat In: Eliot, <i>The Waste Land</i>, and Volkswagen</b></div>
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What I'm saying is that Eliot and Volkswagen have more in common than foundations in antisemitism. Consider the following: </div>
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DA<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Datta: what have we given?<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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My friend, blood shaking my heart<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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The awful daring of a moment’s surrender<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Which an age of prudence can never retract<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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By this, and this only, we have existed<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Which is not to be found in our obituaries<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Or in memories draped by the beneficent spider<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Or under seals broken by the lean solicitor<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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In our empty rooms<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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DA<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Dayadhvam: I have heard the key<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Turn in the door once and turn once only<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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We think of the key, each in his prison<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Thinking of the key, each confirms a prison<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Only at nightfall, aetherial rumours<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Revive for a moment a broken Coriolanus<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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DA<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Damyata: The boat responded<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Gaily, to the hand expert with sail and oar<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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The sea was calm, your heart would have responded<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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Gaily, when invited, beating obedient<span class="Apple-tab-span" style="white-space: pre;"> </span> </div>
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To controlling hands</div>
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And then: </div>
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If ever I am called upon to read aloud from <i>The Waste Land</i> again, I'm totes reading those DAs as, like, "DUUUUH!!??"</div>
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And also, stinky chair, ha ha. Must be the broken Coriolanus. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-13997843856414124042012-08-30T16:30:00.000-04:002012-08-30T16:30:05.646-04:00Pied BeautyI take this poem as evidence that Gerard Manley Hopkins agrees with me on <a href="http://wordshed.blogspot.com/2012/07/banana-wars.html" target="_blank">the topic of bananas</a>:<br />
<br />
<b>Pied Beauty</b><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Glory be to God for dappled things –<br />
For skies of couple-colour as a brinded cow;<br />
For rose-moles all in stipple upon trout that swim;<br />
Fresh-firecoal chestnut-falls; finches’ wings;<br />
Landscape plotted and pieced – fold, fallow, and plough;<br />
And áll trádes, their gear and tackle and trim.<br />
<br />
All things counter, original, spare, strange;<br />
Whatever is fickle, freckled (who knows how?)<br />
With swift, slow; sweet, sour; adazzle, dim;<br />
He fathers-forth whose beauty is past change:<br />
Praise him.<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-48666558866933056242012-08-04T22:01:00.000-04:002012-08-04T22:14:19.864-04:00LossMy mother died a week ago. I don't have a whole lot to say about it yet. It was too soon, and she was too young, but as of a month or so ago it became evident that her time was limited. What has struck me at this point in what will undoubtedly be a lengthy (lifetime, I can only imagine at this point) period of "processing" all of this is that I have missed, am missing, will miss further opportunities to learn from her. <br />
<br />
When your kids get into their late teens and you can actually begin to imagine them being self-sufficient, there's always somebody to tell you that the work of a parent is never done. It's not necessarily what you want to hear, I have to tell you, because you want your kids to go out and thrive, and also--if you're being honest with yourself--you have the idea that their success will free you up in certain positive ways. Presumably there will be less laundry to do, the leftover pizza in the fridge will still be there when you go looking for it, the car will not grow dents when nobody's looking the way bananas grow spots ... all of that. Okay, maybe all the "yous" in this paragraph should be changed to "I" or "me" ... but I kind of doubt I'm alone in this. I also doubt anybody ever feels that they're done teaching their kids the stuff they need to know.<br />
<br />
Anyhow. In the past month, during which time my mother was frequently hospitalized and clearly not going to recover, we had the opportunity many people don't have ... to talk seriously and frankly with each other. I could express regret over all the missed or wasted opportunities to do just that over the past decades, but that would be pointless. Ours is not a demonstrative family, generally, so I'm particularly grateful that we had the time and (awful) incentive we did these past few weeks to express ourselves. <br />
<br />
I was also able to see something I never really noticed during the last several years ... the strength she drew from my aunts, uncles, and extended family. Once a long time ago I mentioned to her in passing that being an only child had certain advantages, and my mother told me that as I grew older I'd wish I had brothers and sisters. I can't say that <i>that </i>has happened, particularly, but I could see how much they mattered to her, and she to them. And they've been very kind and supportive to my dad and me, even as we're both getting used to the idea that it's okay to accept that kind of support.<br />
<br />
So ... lesson learned, and being learned.Unknownnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-90274190187086466082012-07-26T11:02:00.002-04:002012-07-26T11:10:01.660-04:00My artistic vision<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOTIfQc4EEgCfTPIClO_Hm3t9uD_lf3x0W4nas0cThp-dLM71KrFe0FbvyKKBYrbfSzWgNgiBDcBphaBZqxGp37I0IaY68JzK-VsactzViBcxrPDd5mAkq8sgMHeF_-GgoBkwyHlPmp_95/s1600/2012-07-22+19.11.11.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="305" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhOTIfQc4EEgCfTPIClO_Hm3t9uD_lf3x0W4nas0cThp-dLM71KrFe0FbvyKKBYrbfSzWgNgiBDcBphaBZqxGp37I0IaY68JzK-VsactzViBcxrPDd5mAkq8sgMHeF_-GgoBkwyHlPmp_95/s320/2012-07-22+19.11.11.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
So the other day I posted a picture on Facebook of this "band saw box," made of walnut. To my surprise, it attracted many "likes" and positive comments, for which I am grateful.<br />
<br />
While my ego rejoices, I think that the description I posted may have had something to with people's response:<br />
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<i>Walnut "bandsaw" box in an organic style. Antique oil finish.</i><br />
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Hmm ... "in an organic style," eh? Classy! Or is that just a fancy way of saying "can't cut a straight line on a band saw"? Maybe, but it certainly <i>sounds </i>cool ... perhaps to the point where I must admit that I oversold the box.<br />
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Anyhow, that was the end of my rumination on the topic until my wife told me that her coworker admired the photo but thought that the box was actually a large nightstand or dresser sized object ... and I guess that, at a casual glance, the baseboard in the photo (because that's what it is) could be taken for wainscoting.<br />
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That would be a hell of a bandsaw, and a hell of a chunk of walnut. But I do like the box, and it's pretty good for a first attempt. It was a lot of fun to make, but LOTS of sanding, meaning lots of walnut dust to inhale and ingest. The piece may be a keeper, but it's not big enough to keep your socks and undies in. <br />
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Now I'd like to show you my latest <i>artistic </i>creation, "<i>Bol Cedre III</i>."<br />
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<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjZ5Lq3GScOEn9g7_5YStiNBIu6kAjjF_qAa4iSI4ObOuIYLbyo8VY01hznqq-3AQMkK0LlGqy2lpDtBPx2AfOJUxHktxQrYT25HvPKPSWdxR7Gp5FoR2R7Zg-wBRUNzeGBQIZD9ZqmB_K/s1600/2012-07-24+21.05.12.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjZ5Lq3GScOEn9g7_5YStiNBIu6kAjjF_qAa4iSI4ObOuIYLbyo8VY01hznqq-3AQMkK0LlGqy2lpDtBPx2AfOJUxHktxQrYT25HvPKPSWdxR7Gp5FoR2R7Zg-wBRUNzeGBQIZD9ZqmB_K/s320/2012-07-24+21.05.12.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"These fragments I have shored against my ruins"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
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As you can see, this unfinished piece deconstructs the very nature of the bowl: its "lip" is jagged, its peaks and striations suggestive of an almost lunar landscape. It is the death of bowls.<br />
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And it demonstrates what happens to a finely turned, almost-done cedar bowl when the wood splits and cracks at about 1700 rpm. Another one for the burn pile.<br />
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But ... I don't know ... to me, it looks kind of ... "organic" in style, no? I wonder what it would like like with an Antique Oil finish?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-23207261670898989162012-07-15T20:40:00.001-04:002012-07-15T20:40:11.307-04:00No good deed goes unpunishedLast week I posted on the nearest Craigslist (actually we're an hour from two different Craigslisted cities, so it's a crap shoot which one to post to) in the FREE section. Wow. We had an old above-ground pool that was standing in the way of some obscure renovation plans we're working on ... including a deck removal, the addition of a screen porch or mud room or something. So we decided to give the pool away.<br />
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You can meet some interesting people this way. Some of the responses were clearly bogus (though I don't see how they intended to scam me under the circumstances, I don't doubt that they could have ... I'm naive, but I know it). So the lucky winners (third responder out of the thirty or so who answered in the <i>hour </i>the ad was up) showed up yesterday to remove the pool.<br />
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The delightful young couple and their raised-by-wolves offspring (only one of the four, and, I was assured, the worst of them, whom the babysitter refused to watch) showed up in a ramshackle minivan with only two seats. So no carseat for the kid. God help me, after a couple of hours, I could almost understand why. To me, the mom and dad didn't look much older.<br />
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So Hansel and Ungretful show up apparently expecting some kind of inflatable pool. They brought a handful of tools: some pliers, assorted wrenches, and a couple of screwdrivers. Of the origin of these tools I believe I have some belated understanding. Anyhow, folks, this is a metal pool. LOTS of screws. So we broke out the impact driver and cordless drill. This ended up being a four-person four-hour fiasco, during which time I learned that there's a lot more to a pool than what I thought, including a lot of sand that has to be moved, in between hunting down the Artful Dodger, who keeps running off with the shovel, apparently intending to use it on the cat.<br />
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What I realized during this time was that I take many things for granted. Now, I'm not talking about the most obvious things, e.g. the stuff we have vs. the stuff other folks don't have. I don't downplay that--I actually think I'm generally sensitive to that sort of thing--but in this case it's more the stuff that I guess comes with it I'm talking about. For one thing, the kids I helped raise were comparatively pleasant, polite, and well-behaved. And clean. Mowgli was cheerful enough, I must admit, but his ignorance of his parents' requests and suggestions left me agog. They were clearly afraid of him.<br />
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And another thing: I'm no anthropologist, but I have seen <i>2001: A Space Odyssey</i>, and what I learned from that film was what makes humans human is tool use (also murder, and then something about a space baby--sorry, belated spoiler alert). So apparently because I'm so insecure in my humanity that I feel the need to prove it, I like to use tools. Well, I like to own tools, and I'm the first to admit I have more tools than I need ... but to me they represent possibility as well as the power to affect the physical world that surrounds me. So I like tools. I don't like the cokey buffoon Tim Allen though.<br />
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Anyhow, please try to focus on the story I'm telling here. You've heard me before on the topic of <a href="http://wordshed.blogspot.com/2010/06/turn-of-screw.html" target="_blank">Robertson screws</a>. Another little-known use for the square-drive screwdriver is in turning stripped, rounded-out phillips screws that won't respond to a philllips screwdriver (in other words, most of them, especially if you've tried to use an electric driver on them). Try it!<br />
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Well, Dennis and the rest of the Menaces were pretty impressed with this magic trick, and Mrs. Menace even remarked, a couple of times, how they needed to acquire such a tool (I'm paraphrasing; If I were to quote, I would sound like even more of a snob than usual ... and you know I hate to hear people correcting or mocking other people's spoken English ... but it would be hard not to in this case). So in the chaos of packing up the minivan, which they'll Joad back home relying as much on gravity as on such luck as accrues to people, two things happen. One is, they need to tie stuff to the roof rack, so I give them several bungee cords to facilitate this. The second is, and I know you saw this coming even though I didn't realize it until today, the magic <i>Dr. Who</i>ish Robertson screwdriver seems to turn up missing.<br />
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Now, this is not a particularly expensive screwdriver, and in the bugout, it's conceivable that it was tossed in the van in error, by young Grendel if not by his dam. Nonetheless, it was one of a set, and it's missing. And it's not the sort of thing they stock at Lowe's, it turns out. And she mentioned more than once to her husband how much they could use such an implement. So I'm a little irritated.<br />
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I hope my suspicions are wrong, because it seems to me that stealing little crap is kind of sadly pathetic, and doing it under such circumstances when you know it will be noticed and probably ignored because it's too much trouble to follow up on it bespeaks a certain lack of character.<br />
<br />
With all due respect.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-59123339688573714382012-07-08T12:22:00.000-04:002012-07-08T12:51:59.827-04:00Banana WarsHere at the Wordshed we have an ongoing difference of opinion about bananas. Some people like them ripe, and some people like them green. I am of the former persuasion, and I hereby present for your viewing pleasure the EXCEEDINGLY RARE sight of two bananas that survived premature consumption and have reached their ideal state.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4H0aNxJiaQIDgMCojdWvVvVQHSaBlRyvK92olYwFrOVtI2zzKCs-amELJGc3-WRdyQW3qwDYPjyV3BxKB11KM-fePjxp6ZLASKct7wzuM2Hbhv1Ftijs9tFXdI93OreXa4EnRuLbzyUZd/s1600/2012-07-08+11.06.13.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh4H0aNxJiaQIDgMCojdWvVvVQHSaBlRyvK92olYwFrOVtI2zzKCs-amELJGc3-WRdyQW3qwDYPjyV3BxKB11KM-fePjxp6ZLASKct7wzuM2Hbhv1Ftijs9tFXdI93OreXa4EnRuLbzyUZd/s640/2012-07-08+11.06.13.jpg" width="360" /></a></div>
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And now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go emulate my very favorite Samuel Beckett character (<i>sans </i>reel-to-reel tape recorder, of course!).<br />
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Dammit, I think they've turned.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-89449260987480425522012-06-26T14:30:00.001-04:002012-06-26T14:30:49.997-04:00Kitchen, konkludedI quit--okay, stalled maybe--blogging the kitchen remodel at the old house just about the time it got interesting ... so by way of finishing off the story, for the none of you who read this who didn't see the photos on Facebook, here they are.<br />
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Before:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMFHAULOArxCteMWqAiR5ulZUztCEbYjhAD5TwN8YjXsnAkZlCVpA1yc-5-wDp0FyLW4YVY22b3l1g9ZTinpiiC24mHMzSbSSZ4AL_3jM_ogPo5BWWMVZOdzPkcnddQpx8zB0b1GTsSVAE/s1600/DSC00006.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhMFHAULOArxCteMWqAiR5ulZUztCEbYjhAD5TwN8YjXsnAkZlCVpA1yc-5-wDp0FyLW4YVY22b3l1g9ZTinpiiC24mHMzSbSSZ4AL_3jM_ogPo5BWWMVZOdzPkcnddQpx8zB0b1GTsSVAE/s640/DSC00006.JPG" width="640" /></a></div>
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After:<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipjh6vr5u2oaE7EOQT0W-sv6h3G5f6GTCU3jUM5ysRELTfxVT7chrbEB1syg-ENUDtxi7cAM-TJr4F4Ds7Re8bnFzndqU_60RVWF3b0eqYXCiJJ5m8r9dT26i8sPo83RDCtfltBgDAw6hg/s1600/246732_10150201191547298_5174573_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEipjh6vr5u2oaE7EOQT0W-sv6h3G5f6GTCU3jUM5ysRELTfxVT7chrbEB1syg-ENUDtxi7cAM-TJr4F4Ds7Re8bnFzndqU_60RVWF3b0eqYXCiJJ5m8r9dT26i8sPo83RDCtfltBgDAw6hg/s640/246732_10150201191547298_5174573_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLwCkBnMKNXfbTsq0YrjOQ5c_y21gRx-m3-h4Owfr5_SJfNLpugoxarGlXU4GAt-DtZzFYJ-QgiFyLg7XlcOC_jnoK_n4PkHYGg0NPbxRlujC2GHe2aYHo3DsHbOP8e4mW08bZqWr_-wMQ/s1600/249684_10150201191697298_4663278_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="480" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhLwCkBnMKNXfbTsq0YrjOQ5c_y21gRx-m3-h4Owfr5_SJfNLpugoxarGlXU4GAt-DtZzFYJ-QgiFyLg7XlcOC_jnoK_n4PkHYGg0NPbxRlujC2GHe2aYHo3DsHbOP8e4mW08bZqWr_-wMQ/s640/249684_10150201191697298_4663278_n.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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...And then we sold the house and moved away!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-48661590456520538962012-06-25T08:52:00.000-04:002012-06-25T08:52:52.518-04:00Background CheckI'm having misgivings about this background. The outhouse wall motif may provide a welcome distraction from the actual words, and it's certainly in keeping with the overall conceit (ahem) of the blog ... yet it does seem a little overpowering. Your thoughts?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-68033629436585142612012-06-24T21:19:00.000-04:002012-06-25T08:45:25.101-04:00Confession: I Like TelevisionYes, it's true. I like television.<br />
<br />
Well, I actually seriously hate most television, and most of the television I don't <i>hate </i>I still don't <i>love</i>. I loved the British<i> Life on Mars</i>, and I still very much like <i>Justified</i>. Oh, and of course <i>Breaking Bad</i>, which it seems academic dudes must love. I have opinions of all of these shows that I'll perhaps share with you in coming weeks, but my opinions of the shows I love are, I think, a lot less interesting than the ones about the shows I think are okay.<br />
<br />
Which brings me to <i>Falling Skies</i>. Fortunately, as the owner of a Tivo, I don't often need to choose which one television show to watch at a given time (and of course Ye Olde Internette makes it easy to catch something you missed). This is good in the case of Falling Skies, since I'm pretty sure I'd miss if it it were up against any of the many shows I like more, e.g. ... oh I don't know ... <i>Wipeout</i> or whatever. I watch it because it doesn't keep me from catching <i>Impractical Jokers</i>.<br />
<br />
To watch science fiction on TV in this decade means getting past the standard objection of "I can't believe they cancelled <i>Firefly </i>while this show keeps on going (can you say <i>Eureka</i>?). At some point you just gotta let it go. Besides, if <i>Firefly </i>had lasted, we might never have gotten to see <i>Castle</i>.<br />
<br />
That was a joke, mostly. But yeah, I watch <i>Castle</i>.<br />
<br />
Okay, so <i>Falling Skies</i>. It has Will Patton, who was great in the highly underrated sans-gills Costner flick <i>The Postman</i> and also played the only interesting character in <i>Armageddon </i>(aside from William Fichtner, I guess). On the other hand, it has Noah Wyle in the lead, and I'm sorry, but I just don't find him credible. Am I alone in this? I keep waiting for Bob Newhart to show up and summon him back to the Library.<br />
<br />
Another thing I kind of hate about the show is the My Three Sons rivalry thing (there are three of them, right? Most people under 25 pretty much look alike to me). These scenes frankly give off a <i>Home Improvement</i> vibe.
That said, I do kind of like the premise, though on the other hand I <strike>kind of</strike> hate all the CGI. So it's a tossup all the way around. I wouldn't pass up a good show to watch it, but watch I do, and will.<br />
<br />
But I thought <i>The River</i> was better. And maybe <i>Alcatraz</i>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-27882324770296564902012-06-20T12:05:00.000-04:002012-06-20T14:03:09.348-04:00The 'Shed is on fireMost of my recent blogging energy has, for good or ill, been devoted to my Official Work Blog, meager though it be ... but this morning I decided to take a look at the dashboard for the ol' <b>Wordshed</b>, and lo and behold, people keep visiting. Apparently there's this Google thing? It's like <a href="http://www.plan59.com/av/av434.htm">Bing</a>, only people use it? Perhaps you've heard of it.<br />
<br />
<i>[Am I wrong about this? Am I the only one not Binging (bingeing, and whingeing, are different stories entirely)? Am I the only one still in possession of his/her Bing cherry?]</i><br />
<br />
Well.<br />
<br />
A veritable <b><i>handful</i></b> of people are visiting the Wordshed daily, it turns out.<br />
<br />
Many are looking for advice about <a href="http://wordshed.blogspot.com/2008/03/little-more-inappropriate-self.html">self-disclosure</a>, inappropriate or otherwise. (Or maybe they're just hair-triggering "inappropriate selENA GOMEZ" in the Google suggestions.) Personally, I'm above such <a href="http://youtu.be/leD9kTMWS9M">tempations </a>(though not above these ones).<br />
<br />
And the other day a visitor from Latvia<a href="http://wordshed.blogspot.com/2009/07/anglophilia-and-other-social-diseases.html"> visited the 'Shed</a> to learn about "old empire style dresses." We're not on the first page of hits for that search,<a href="http://www.treknologic.com/forum/index.php?topic=1024.0"> though this is</a>. Which is a shame, because I think everyone agrees that this blog is a great source of fashion advice.<br />
<br />
The point of all this simply this: I now realize that I have to blog. I owe it to the people. Stay tuned.<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-25386557426564779032011-02-27T20:44:00.002-05:002011-02-27T21:03:55.004-05:00Live Blogging the Oscars?Come on! No, I'm watching <span style="font-style:italic;">Bob's Burgers</span> on Fox. And it's a rerun which I've seen already. It's an inertia thing, and it's an Oscars thing. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Thought one:</span> all post-Bugs Bunny animation should probably feature Jon Benjamin, because ... oh, wait, it's already happened. It is a little weird to hear the voice of Archer (from <span style="font-style:italic;">Archer</span>, which is brilliant) coming from Bob, but one gets used to it. By the way, I miss <span style="font-style:italic;">Home Movies</span>. <br /><br /><span style="font-weight:bold;">Thought two:</span> the decision--conscious or not--to air the Taco Bell Redemption commercial ("yeah, it's not beef, but it <span style="font-style:italic;">is </span>meat") on a sitcom about a burger joint accused of serving human remains in its ground beef has made my day. My week. <br /><br />Oh, and do me a favor and check out the Taco Bell website to see whether they're really wearing their heart (or other organ meat of your choice) on their sleeve, or whether they're burying the secret recipe (just as a body might be buried rather than served as food) even as they're claiming to expose it to the world. <br /><br />So, yeah, want me to tell you about how cannibalism is the key to understanding the literature of the Emerald Isle? You might have to wait for the book ... or you can buy me a drink at AP.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-30103457599797173942010-10-10T15:39:00.003-04:002010-10-10T15:45:44.167-04:00I am not a cinematographerBut I have just uploaded my <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TviaPJxFPrE">first Youtube video</a>. I just bought a new air compressor, mainly because I'm tired of carrying my 26 gallon compressor up and down the stairs or to somebody's house to help them out with something. I like it a lot, but it leaks a little too much for my taste. Some people are telling me that some leakage is to be expected, but it seems to me excessive. I hate to have to pack it up and take it back, but that might be where I am. <div><br /></div><div><br /><br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/TviaPJxFPrE?fs=1&hl=en_US"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/TviaPJxFPrE?fs=1&hl=en_US" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br /><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-88892055344275926532010-08-19T08:39:00.003-04:002010-08-19T10:04:45.625-04:00Here I go again on my ownIt's that time of year again when I prepare to <span style="font-weight: bold;">piss in academia's collective cornflakes</span>. Yes, the Beloit "Mindset List" is out for the class of 2014. Ostensibly created 'way back when to keep college instructors "aware of dated references," it instead inspires my annual <span style="font-weight: bold;">full-body cringe</span>, because in spite of its intention, it appears to me to be a thinly-veiled excuse for the most educated people in society to gloat over the ignorance of their charges. Why? I don't know, but it's probably because <span style="font-weight: bold;">they fear death</span>.<br /><br />But let's get this out of the way first. I know it's a list, and on the internet <span style="font-weight: bold;">lists validate everything</span>, but explain to me what can possibly be meant by "11. John McEnroe has never played professional tennis." Sorry, but <span style="font-weight: bold;">W? T? (to the) F?</span> Can I say that "John F. Kennedy never lived" because I was born in 1964? Could Chaucer say that the Norman Conquest never happened? <span style="font-weight: bold;">Can baby boomers everywhere say the Holocaust never happened? </span>(I know genocide is a touchy subject, but check out, if you will, #32).<br /><br />Isn't there a better way of saying what you mean, whatever that is?<br /><br />Or are we really just implying that college students are <span style="font-weight: bold;">incapable of knowing anything</span> they didn't personally experience? If you really believe that, why are you spending your time trying to educate them?<br /><br />Listen: public higher education is suffering greatly at least in part because academics in many fields spent more than a generation insisting on, even <span style="font-weight: bold;">reveling in the very irrelevance</span> of their gloriously postmodern enterprises. Maybe they were saying it because it was "true," but given that there is (it turns out) <span style="font-weight: bold;">no such thing as "truth,"</span> I doubt it. It's just unfortunate that they were so successful in teaching a generation of policymakers that part of the lesson. Now everybody knows that you don't need to know about Beowulf, Sir Gawain, Elizabeth Bennet, or Molly Bloom, the Renaissance, the Reformation, or the Industrial Revolution, in order to be a successful legislator or<span style="font-weight: bold;"> even president</span>. You want to chuckle wisely over the stuff these students don't know? They're the least of our worries. You want to alienate them on the first day of class? Hand this list out and gloat a little because at least you know who Beavis and Butthead are.<br /><br />Guess what, folks: we think our students are ignorant? Well, our professors thought we were ignorant. <span style="font-style: italic;">Their </span>professors thought <span style="font-style: italic;">they </span>were ignorant. Educators have always bemoaned the <span style="font-weight: bold;">crappiness </span>of their students and the moral decay of the system (check out Glenn Ford in <span style="font-style: italic;">Blackboard Jungle</span>, 1955). Their ignorance is our livelihood. The Gawain poet says that heroes were really heroes back in King Arthur's time. Yes, those were certainly the days.<br /><br />Oh, but I forgot. Like the Depression, like Watergate, like <span style="font-weight: bold;">the K-car</span>, those days probably "never happened."<br /><br />The list? There's some interesting stuff there, I guess ... but gang, it's about how out of it <span style="font-style: italic;">we</span> are. And if you're getting ready to walk into that classroom and rock their worlds and change their lives, think twice about leading off by using this list as a "Let me tell you how little you know" toy. I don't know whether that approach will fit with their "mindset."<br /><br />And for the record, I hate the word "mindset."Unknownnoreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-36461452865515218092010-08-01T20:06:00.002-04:002010-08-01T21:21:37.373-04:00D. I. WhineBecause I like to take on home improvement projects, people sometimes ask me how I know how to do stuff. The short answer is, I usually don't. So I read books, ask my dad, do a Google search, post questions to relevant message boards, and dive in.<br /><br />Notice what's not in that list? Home improvement TV, namely the cable network known as DIY. Now, I'll admit, I watch a lot of DIY ... but let's face it, it's not about doing it yourself. In fact, the point of the network is largely about NOT doing it yourself. Most of the shows fall into one or more of the following categories:<br /><br />1. Stuff you can buy (e.g. <span style="font-style: italic;">Cool Tools</span>, one of my favorite shows, because yeah, I like to buy stuff, and because Chris Grundy is funny);<br /><br />2. Houses that are too cool for you (e.g. <span style="font-style: italic;">Blog Cabin</span> or the new <span style="font-style: italic;">This New House</span>) ... okay, you can have it if you're the one who wins it, but you see what I'm saying;<br /><br />3. The terrible things that can happen if you try to engage in home improvement (e.g. Renovation Realities) ... okay, I watch this one, because I'm all about the <span style="font-style: italic;">Schadenfreude</span>, baby. On this show, couples take on absurdly difficult projects with impossible deadlines and very limited experience or knowledge, and none of what I'll talk about below in point 4. Their experiences are edited together and sprinkled--dare I say festooned--with snotty little comments about their mistakes that don't shed any instructive light on them but instead gloat about the victim's ignorance and direct viewers to the <a href="http://www.diynetwork.com/">network's website</a>;<br /><br />4. Experts that come to your house and lead you through the home improvement project of your choice (e.g. <span style="font-style: italic;">Man Caves</span>, <span style="font-style: italic;">Desperate Landscapes</span>). Ostensibly these shows are about experts like Amy Matthews showing you how to do stuff for yourself, but in fact they're pretty much the opposite. The pros come in with their crews and wind up giving the homeowners some low-stakes project to keep them out of the way, just as my grandpa would hand me a piece of worn-out sandpaper.<br /><br />This last model of home improvement show is the most insidious, because it reinforces the idea that <span style="font-style: italic;">you can't do anything</span>. I guess it shouldn't surprise me that a generation raised on <span style="font-style: italic;">Barney</span> will apparently sit around idly staring at the wall until the big purple dinosaur (or attractive licensed contractor) shows up to tell them whether or not it's load-bearing. "Tell us how to have fun, tell us how to paint a wall, because we're utterly helpless and devoid of imagination! Tell us what to do, whatever you do."<br /><br />I guess instructional TV isn't entertaining enough to be lucrative ... if it were, there'd be something else on the History Channel besides how the world is going to end in 2012. Still, I don't think it would kill them to put some honest to garsh how-to on every now and then.<br /><br />Guess I shouldn't complain. When the zombie apocalypse happens, maybe I'll be able to trade attractive and comfortable handmade furniture to my fellow survivors for ... I don't know, vegetables?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-91756381942645576822010-07-25T19:13:00.005-04:002010-07-25T19:42:58.645-04:00Sawdust in my drawers<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidgx2Z8WfQeIjtlqYXcDNSum68j_Ag3Pmzp29jFQfRuqC2FlNeVVM_Fu3SlZ5mDo1jbUQU8gnhUeVwzwPSzYHvi6zt3TOCN3AknS6rlbRnvSRWvd8EkOiSjNUpETCrmMwKusaC-hI7gCxs/s1600/IMG00145.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEidgx2Z8WfQeIjtlqYXcDNSum68j_Ag3Pmzp29jFQfRuqC2FlNeVVM_Fu3SlZ5mDo1jbUQU8gnhUeVwzwPSzYHvi6zt3TOCN3AknS6rlbRnvSRWvd8EkOiSjNUpETCrmMwKusaC-hI7gCxs/s320/IMG00145.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497990876139057810" border="0" /></a>It took a little longer than I thought it would, but the drawer boxes for the kitchen cabinets are done. They don't have faces yet, because I haven't quite decided how to handle those. I opted to dovetail all of the joints, because dovetails are strong and because I like the way they look.<br /><br />I didn't cut them by hand; for one thing, I've never done that before, and I'm not going to learn in the middle of a major project, and for another thing, they're <span style="font-style: italic;">kitchen drawers</span>. Instead, I used the <a href="http://www.stots.com/">Stots Dovetail Template Master</a> to make the jigs used to rout the dovetails. You follow the directions to make a dovetail template using the Stots template; you can tweak it, adjust it, destroy it, etc., and just make a new one when you're done. The template you make works a lot like the General template, I expect. These are through dovetails, as opposed to half-blind dovetails. I have a Harbor Freight dovetail jig that does very nice half-blind dovetails, but since I was working with 1/2" stock and applying drawer faces, I didn't think those would be appropriate.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqtc8NZSLMfr9uGHWehBqp5tvpBv-txgsfYhQuAZHYE2GpJUfRj0QtB-eVz5d139aPoPN3Umg41rk7NCwCAkRpqZHOrhNQRgUlzwOxP-YCLhz7J_5C-0dWRAp9tq2O28_9uIR6TPYhOgoG/s1600/IMG00144.jpg"><img style="float: left; margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqtc8NZSLMfr9uGHWehBqp5tvpBv-txgsfYhQuAZHYE2GpJUfRj0QtB-eVz5d139aPoPN3Umg41rk7NCwCAkRpqZHOrhNQRgUlzwOxP-YCLhz7J_5C-0dWRAp9tq2O28_9uIR6TPYhOgoG/s320/IMG00144.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5497992158483566642" border="0" /></a>Sooo ... here are the drawers. It's another piece of the puzzle. Next, the doors, which should be a learning experience. They're poplar, incidentally, milled to 1/2" thick as I've said. It's pretty good wood, but it does sport some of the characteristic green, brown, and purple patches that make poplar a good secondary rather than primary wood for a project.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-90604644631275114952010-07-23T13:17:00.004-04:002010-07-23T14:31:44.305-04:00"Hercules, hero of song and story"Man, I used to eat this cartoon up when I was a wee lad back in days when we got only two and a half channels. It was in black and white back then, or so I thought. It came on on Sunday mornings, during that time <span style="font-style: italic;">after </span>I had been readied for church and <span style="font-style: italic;">before </span>my dad was ready to leave. My dad shares my resistance to situations wherein one might be obligated to be civil to people on weekends, but he had a greater sense of tradition and duty, so we went to church religiously (if you will) ... but we weren't in any hurry about it, and we didn't tend to stay a minute longer than necessary.<br /><br /><object width="480" height="385"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZAMm7XwdD_M&hl=en_US&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/ZAMm7XwdD_M&hl=en_US&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="480" height="385"></embed></object><br /><br />Disney version? Don't make me laugh. Literally, the Disney version didn't make me laugh. Much. I'm sure some of you were very fond of it, but it pales in comparison to this cartoon. IMHO badabimbo.<br /><br />So, yeah, Herc and his annoying little centaur buddy came on before <span style="font-style: italic;">Davey and Goliath</span>, which I didn't like that much anyhow, since I found it both tedious and painful to watch the characters work their way from error to correction. <span style="font-style: italic;">Brady Bunch</span> anxiety, if you know what I mean. I never saw much <span style="font-style: italic;">D & G</span>, since we had a 25 minute or so drive to church (driving past two other churches of the same denomination for reasons that escape me to this day).<br /><br />Joseph Campbell would probably have something to say about the degree to which I associate the 60s cartoon Hercules with church--two of the hero's thousand faces converging, or something-- or make it three, since Herc and Superman are kind of twinny as drawn. I do <span style="font-style: italic;">not </span>believe that the New Testament would be improved by the inclusion of a shrill, hippogynous centaur, but deep down in the dusty church basement of my unconscious, Jesus and the assertively pagan Hercules are at a pot luck supper, enjoying a nice crock pot of chunky primordial Jungian soup.<br /><br />Made from centaur stock.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-87837269730216470962010-07-22T11:58:00.002-04:002010-07-22T12:03:37.450-04:00I give upI've been trying and failing for years to make a joke <a href="http://xkcd.com/762/">along these lines.</a><br /><br />Thanks,<a href="http://xkcd.com/762/"></a> <a href="http://xkcd.com/">xkcd</a>!<br /><br />Bump, set, spike.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-54751142041910232542010-07-08T21:33:00.004-04:002010-07-08T22:10:19.908-04:00What I did on my summer vacationI took the past week off, and it was nice. I sure do miss the academic calendar, I must say ... now I only read the ebb and flow of the semesters by the number of cars in the parking lot when I show up for work, the number of queries from the registrar about grades that "my" faculty haven't submitted (because you know they do whatever I ask of them), and the number of complaints about said grades I hear from disgruntled (or at least differently gruntled) students.<br /><br />So here's what I did on my vacation to make progress toward realizing the plan depicted <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjin1BAxv-Zg9pkkRYppFRrD1_XnyvnCFiPgk2tka5_Qvy2uhgaGNqgPmflRJOT2AJ28FJltRCNwSNs8X7YalLA-ZUb4W8zcS86c7uDKOBWHcV-fnhZCTfV09quhCwFqmiqCRavtZ_JTr5I/s1600/Smoke+Rise+Kitchen+scaled.jpg">here</a>. All the cabinet boxes are put together, minus backs, and the shelves for the upper cabinets are also done. I laid them out roughly in the position they'll occupy in the kitchen:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPqOs6Bx0LdCQXQhtG6p5tAhxLx4Gzjkg9xCFaKGu78CPGPgMsVrsyxpBdEksxECDJMeUJIK3-lk05iLWbh7UQ9XXa5ANu3NsYSDVm_Nh61sgEnTdc1j99zi1iQhZWuNK9V0RQYd3QHTEJ/s1600/kitchen3.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiPqOs6Bx0LdCQXQhtG6p5tAhxLx4Gzjkg9xCFaKGu78CPGPgMsVrsyxpBdEksxECDJMeUJIK3-lk05iLWbh7UQ9XXa5ANu3NsYSDVm_Nh61sgEnTdc1j99zi1iQhZWuNK9V0RQYd3QHTEJ/s320/kitchen3.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5491715844025190738" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmruJ9jo6A5DBvsXAkmiTlKZxdjxrNus8lWCwUxrF2lu0m9McdIVUvTsHXM5gsBofSc9jaIJoa1aJ_Sa4Fiav6lAu8YUDTEJNckmjyH4sTp7QfMCBJgi2TXIS5pkIStlo3sHbmt619vycf/s1600/kitchen2.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmruJ9jo6A5DBvsXAkmiTlKZxdjxrNus8lWCwUxrF2lu0m9McdIVUvTsHXM5gsBofSc9jaIJoa1aJ_Sa4Fiav6lAu8YUDTEJNckmjyH4sTp7QfMCBJgi2TXIS5pkIStlo3sHbmt619vycf/s320/kitchen2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5491715838562559362" border="0" /></a><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixnPNg_TXHt3sVKYxPtAoUQYOefOCncY2_kp1yJNw8KFUGxc5n-_LZPQNIPTouUBB7ie1wlGxpDoCloMY-K3Afqh5lX8Q_O0WKf5c_fOP9qlKABVegAa-KRfl5Wf_G_SeeEXO9Y2cS6ILK/s1600/kitchen1.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixnPNg_TXHt3sVKYxPtAoUQYOefOCncY2_kp1yJNw8KFUGxc5n-_LZPQNIPTouUBB7ie1wlGxpDoCloMY-K3Afqh5lX8Q_O0WKf5c_fOP9qlKABVegAa-KRfl5Wf_G_SeeEXO9Y2cS6ILK/s320/kitchen1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5491715835076349954" border="0" /></a><br />I'll probably cut out the backs next, though I won't attach them until after they and the cabinets are sprayed. It will be a lot easier to apply the finish without the backs getting in the way, and without all those corners to cause runs.<br /><br />After that will come the drawers, which I'll be making out of poplar, with solid maple faces, and the doors, which will be raised panels. In other words, there's a lot left to do! A professional would have done the drawers and doors first, before cluttering up the whole damned shop with cabinets, but I wanted to fit the components to the cabinets, not vice versa.<br />___________________________________<br /><br />In other news, I think the <a href="http://www.dominos.com/home/index.jsp">Domino's Pizza</a> PR folks ought to be commended for their current ad campaign, the one that started with the frank admission that everybody knows their pizza sucked (and it may suck still, I don't know, though they're saying it's completely new and improved ... we don't have a Domino's around here). The commercial I saw the other day makes a big deal out of the unnatural acts that go into photographing food for print and TV advertisements, promising that Domino's ads will show the pizza in its natural state. Good stuff! I'd absolutely try their pizza again if it weren't 50 miles, probably, to the nearest one. I doubt they deliver here. Though I can't imagine it being better than <a href="http://www.pudgiespizza.com/">Pudgies</a>!<br /><br />During my senior year of college, I had a roommate who worked at Dominos, and he would come home at 2:30 one or two nights a week with pizza that had been "wasted," written off and trashed at closing time. A diligent student--or at least one with a limited social life--I generally turned in by 11, and yet when Mark came in with pizza, I'd drag myself out to the kitchen (we shared a trailer in a shabby trailer park) and devour half a pizza, half-conscious, and then return to my top bunk to sleep until six. It was okay, but the locally owned joints were much cheaper and their pizza more interesting.<br /><br />Mark was also something of a nudist, and he had successfully completed Ranger school--Army, not park--the summer before. I'll tell you more about him sometime, perhaps.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-19677941559482427672010-07-06T17:13:00.003-04:002010-07-06T18:12:16.413-04:00In praise of Gladys KravitzBefore there was<a href="http://www.youtube.com/user/lennykravitz?blend=1&ob=4#p/u/61/Ynz86-J4jn4"> Lenny Kravitz</a>, before there was even <span style="font-style: italic;">The Jeffersons</span>, on which Lenny Kravitz's <a href="http://hiwaay.net/%7Ewmwms/Images/willises.jpg">mom </a>appeared, thus providing me with a halfarsed link between this pointless allusion and the wonderful world of situation comedies, there was the archetypal meddling neighbor Gladys Kravitz. I just watched <span style="font-style: italic;">Bewitched </span>for the first time in many years (not counting the terrible movie of the same name a few years back), and I have a few words to say about Gladys Kravitz.<br /><br />First of all, who are we talking about when we speak of Gladys? People always want to argue about which <a href="http://chelsearialtostudios.com/maxsteinerpages/sergeant_york.jpg">Dick </a>they prefer, <a href="http://www.richmond.gov.uk/home/leisure_and_culture/local_history_and_heritage/local_studies_collection/local_history_timelines/royal_richmond_timeline/picture_of_duke_of_york.htm">York </a>or <a href="http://www.dvdtalk.com/reviews/images/reviews/190/1182874481_1.jpg">Sargent</a>, but fewer people will debate the relative merits of the two <span style="font-style: italic;">Kravoi</span>, <a href="http://samstephens.tripod.com/pearce.html">Alice Pearce</a> and <a href="http://samstephens.tripod.com/gould.html">Sandra Gould</a>. Pearce's Kravitz was brilliant and unproblematical in my opinion ... she was just a nosey, shrill, hysterical proto-Furley. The archetypal Gladys. Gould, who Kravitzed the episode I just watched, is different. Strangely attractive when she's not overshadowed by Elizabeth Montgomery, and not blessed with the hilarious facial expressions and brilliant slapstick timing of her predecessor, she brings another layer to the character.<br /><br />With the first Gladys, we feel somewhat bad for husband Abner, even though he's a loser, just because his wife is so annoying. With the second, though, Abner's sterotypical long-suffering husband <span style="font-style: italic;">schtick </span>crosses right over into verbal abuse, and the smirking Stevens' mock-innocent shrugging as Gladys "Cassandra" Kravitz tries to blow the whistle on their satanic hijinks smacks of cruelty.<br /><br />Because, of course, she's right. Samantha is a witch, and her family is a whole pack of witches, (a <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0181288/">coven </a>if you will). Admittedly, as a former wacky neighbor myself, I have more than average sympathy for my fellow WNs ... but I think Gladys's reputation is undeserved. What if your next door neighbor were a witch? Wouldn't you try to tell people about it? I say Gladys is a hero!<br /><br />_________________________________<br /><br />Back when I was teaching, I was once talking about witches in connection with "Young Goodman Brown" and a student announced that his sister-in-law was a witch. "There's no such thing as witches," I replied. "I mean, can she fly?" If you're a wiccan, earth goddess worshipper, etc., more power to you, but if you can't fly, you ain't a witch in my book.<br /><br />Of course, this was at the same university where I once drew the five pointed star, the "sign of Solomon" from Sir Gawain's shield, on the blackboard, and a student in the front row flinched--actually flinched. I said, "Did you think I was going to summon forth a demon from the blackboard? Really? Do you think that if I <span style="font-style: italic;">could </span>summon demons out of the blackboard, there wouldn't be demons running all over this place by now?"<br /><br />No sense of humor, some of these people. Maybe they should watch some sitcoms.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-20260263917015243182010-06-16T08:54:00.007-04:002010-06-16T10:31:09.424-04:00The turn of the screwI'm writing today about one of the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EQTRX23EMNk&feature=related">best things ever to come out of Canada</a>--and that's saying something--and I'll do my best not to be puerile. But I'm talking about <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_screw_drives">a great screw</a>. If they're so great, why aren't they used universally, you may ask ... the story seems to be one of greed, poor marketing, and politics. As interesting as that sounds, it's not my story to tell, but if you're industrious, you'll probably be able to find it on the internet.<br /><br />Incidentally, am I the only person who thinks "puerile" ought to be pronounced "<a href="http://acc6.its.brooklyn.cuny.edu/%7Escintech/solid/silandfill.html">poo AIR isle</a>" and not "<a href="http://www.merriam-webster.com/cgi-bin/audio-medlineplus.pl?pueril01.wav=puerile%27">Pure Ill</a>"?<br /><br />So ... I was talking about screws and screwing. Every now and then I find myself taking something apart, and because I'm amazingly cheap when it comes to little things, I remove and save the screws and bolts I might be able to reuse ... because I hate having to run downtown for the odd screw (come on!), and in fact I keep my nuts in a coffee can.<br /><br />Now can we just get on with it?<br /><br />I'm to the point where I will generally throw away <a href="http://www.cartoongallery.com/Webstore/product.php?productid=9000682&cat=2&page=20">slotted screws</a> when I find them, because they're just a pain to deal with. It's good to have some around if you want to match hardware on an older piece of furniture, but generally, they're of little use to me.<br /><br />I feel the same way about <a href="http://www.fanrush.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9396">Phillips head</a> screws. They're better, and they're the home center standard, I guess, but the screws you find in the home centers are, in my experience, pretty crappy, especially if you're driving them with a <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSzUBvwe6kg">power driver</a> ... even if you drill appropriate <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oSEX2yrZDks">pilot</a> holes and use the clutch on your driver. And when you strip out the head of one of these, you're well, screwed.<br /><br />Note that I'm talking about wood screws here, not deck screws or drywall screws ... I do not encourage the use of drywall screws except for hanging drywall due to their brittle nature. In particular, I don't love seeing heavy upper cabinets hung with them. <span style="font-style: italic;">Probably</span> it's fine to do so. Probably.<br /><br />But for the projects I'm working on, and for all my wood screw needs for the foreseeable future, I'm going with Robertson or square drive screws. Like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kn0rl-n9R9w&feature=related">this guy</a> and <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OtD52uw2I88">this guy</a>, Robertson screws are a Canadian product, and once you've used square drive wood screws, other screws will just annoy you. Why? First and last, they do not tend to strip out. They'll also stay on the end of your square-head screwdriver, so you can probably get a screw started with one hand ... very convenient.<br /><br />I'll wait.<br /><br />Not sure what else you need to know, except where to get them, since most stores don't carry them, except the pan head variety used for pocket hole joinery. Where to get them is McFeely's ... <a href="http://www.mcfeelys.com/">check out their catalog</a>, which will tell you more about screws than you thought it was possible to know. It's like the Kama Sutra of screws. And they sell square drive deck and drywall screws, too.<br /><br />It's ... well, it's <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_byVtHrGEM">this</a>.<br /><br />This is not a paid endorsement! I just want you to be happy.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-71946809550583969762010-06-14T21:01:00.004-04:002010-06-14T22:01:29.905-04:00The vision<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjin1BAxv-Zg9pkkRYppFRrD1_XnyvnCFiPgk2tka5_Qvy2uhgaGNqgPmflRJOT2AJ28FJltRCNwSNs8X7YalLA-ZUb4W8zcS86c7uDKOBWHcV-fnhZCTfV09quhCwFqmiqCRavtZ_JTr5I/s1600/Smoke+Rise+Kitchen+scaled.jpg"><img style="float: right; margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 190px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjin1BAxv-Zg9pkkRYppFRrD1_XnyvnCFiPgk2tka5_Qvy2uhgaGNqgPmflRJOT2AJ28FJltRCNwSNs8X7YalLA-ZUb4W8zcS86c7uDKOBWHcV-fnhZCTfV09quhCwFqmiqCRavtZ_JTr5I/s320/Smoke+Rise+Kitchen+scaled.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5482811082800516722" border="0" /></a><br />I'm pleased to report that the long-awaited kitchen remodel is underway. I used a program called Cabinet Planner to ... well ... plan the cabinets. You should be looking at a rendering of the plan, though you may not be able to see too much detail. It's not a radical departure from the current kitchen in terms of layout, though currently the refrigerator is sitting where the tall pantry cabinet is shown at the right of the attached image. In the new kitchen, it will be sitting roughly across from the dishwasher, across from the wall you're looking through in the picture.<br /><br />A few other essential differences: the current cabinets are painted (I assume) pine or plywood. The countertop is postform formica, and it's not even really screwed down to the cabinets. Nor is it scribed to the back wall, so there are gaps behind it that a mouse could climb through to hilarious effect.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZkkQea9NpTIxsxtWrearqoJrytIOfwQ8GuVZh4t81cNq24UZTqLJ5eQwRMQM-LHbvBjRFvWLF7ylwfzOWtaX2lqs8X0fS11XVwsRqXQkdtjThpmCTy88zOaWGwgVyUMBH8o0GaFb6uh7B/s1600/DSC00006.JPG"><img style="cursor: pointer; width: 320px; height: 240px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhZkkQea9NpTIxsxtWrearqoJrytIOfwQ8GuVZh4t81cNq24UZTqLJ5eQwRMQM-LHbvBjRFvWLF7ylwfzOWtaX2lqs8X0fS11XVwsRqXQkdtjThpmCTy88zOaWGwgVyUMBH8o0GaFb6uh7B/s320/DSC00006.JPG" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5482812918668989906" border="0" /></a><br /><br />The current kitchen is dark. The new kitchen will be light, as the cabinets will be natural maple, which is light, with black appliances (the current ones) and a counter surface to be identified later. I hope to pick out the handles and pulls this week. We're also replacing the floor with a light laminate (we thought hard about hardwood or something more permanent and costly, but we know we're not going to live out our days in this house).<br /><br />A few other features: the bottom cabinets will have either drawers or pull-out shelves, and the corner cabinets will have lazy susans. The sink will be black enamel, undermounted, I hope, and therefore lipless. The toe kicks will be cherry, as will the currently hideous soffits above the cabinet, and possibly the edge of the countertop. We'll be papering the walls, since they're already papered over paneling ... it's the easiest option, and it ought to come out okay.<br /><br />So, how's it coming, you ask? So far I've done one cabinet. One. But it came out okay, and the rest will be done assembly-line fashion. They'll be finished with water-based polyurethane sprayed over shellac (Zinsser Sealcoat, which dewaxed shellac).<br /><br />Should have it done in a week or so. Ha HAAAAA!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-34832409757878442352010-06-07T15:56:00.002-04:002010-06-07T16:15:46.217-04:00People need to stop messing with my stuffReading over some of my old posts from the last couple of years, I can't say that I'm overjoyed at the way the entities who actually <span style="font-style: italic;">own</span> the material in Youtube videos have forced said 'tube to remove said material in the interest of protecting their copyrights. Because I gotta tellya, it interferes pretty seriously with some of the humorous juxtapositions with which I like to punctuate my pontificatin'. The nerve of these people! The hubris!<br /><br />Even more irritating is when I dutifully posted the ostensibly legal links to material from MTV or Comedy Central, only to find that they are now dead. I try to play fair, people, but fair is a moving target, and as I've asked about other moving targets in the past, how come the moving target never seems to move any closer?<br /><br />Of course, as a wannabe content provider myself, I take a much dimmer view of copyright infringement than I may have in the past. This not to say I wouldn't still be overjoyed if somebody thought any of the songs I helped to write were good enough to steal, which as far as I know hasn't happened yet ... and let's face it, that window of opportunity has probably sailed.<br /><br />But the textbook is a different story, especially since we actually are getting some modest royalties on it. If I could put the kibosh on the black- and gray-market commerce in the book, I surely would ... including those people who buy exam copies from professors, though I must admit I've been on the offending end of that transaction once or twice or several dozen times.<br /><br />Last year we received an inquiry from somebody in China asking for permission to translate the book. I had yuan signs in my eyes ... think about how many college students there must be in China--what a market! Turns out he wasn't willing to pay for permission to translate it. Well, crap.<br /><br />Though I gotta tellya, the idea of all those Chinese students learning about writing about literature from our book (and thus becoming at least associate (if not full) minions)) does have its appeal.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-23873116971930119182010-06-02T22:05:00.003-04:002010-06-02T22:53:28.710-04:00I'm baaaaaaaack!<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PgUh6BNdq9Y&feature=PlayList&p=5A59ED8E74DCCB56&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=4">Back in the saddle again</a>? Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves ... I've missed doing this, probably more than anybody missed reading it. Look: if you know me at all, and you do, or you wouldn't be reading this, surely, unless you're one of the two or three people a day who get here by googling Karen Allen or something (why?), you know that I'm in general not a reliable correspondent ... but I'm going to try to write at least weekly. Hell, it got me through my dissertation, am I right? (Hi Murray).<br /><br />I know that the themeless rant blog is passe (sorry about the missing accent), but I still don't really have a concept in mind aside from, as I've said before, the random conversation I'd have with students before class started, back when I was in the classroom ... or, let's face it, the monologue with which I'd waste the first few minutes of class. Not wasting ... building <span style="font-style: italic;">rapport</span>. Establishing a positive learning environment. If you will.<br /><br />Anyhow, I'm shooting for once a week at least, and I'm not going to talk about work. That's about it.<br /><br />Oh, and I've been watching <span style="font-style: italic;">Justified</span>, and it's not too bad.<br /><br /><object height="385" width="640"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/Xy09F1cUIrA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/Xy09F1cUIrA&hl=en_US&fs=1&rel=0" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="385" width="640"></embed></object>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7924468951154826009.post-44663008479569661922010-01-04T17:55:00.003-05:002010-01-04T18:14:25.236-05:00You Are Not a Pleasure Unit; or, My Banal AnxietiesFirst, an observation: The <span style="font-style: italic;">Flint</span> movies<span style="font-style: italic;"> </span>(the first title above is a quotation from Our Man Flint) play differently after <span style="font-style: italic;">Austin Powers</span>. The tongue in the earlier films is somewhat salaciously in cheek, but the films are silly without being spoofs. Their existence renders at least a couple of the Austin Powers films superfluous. IMHO badabimbo. What's that? Oh, <a href="http://www.aintitcool.com/node/36392">great</a>.<br /><br />And now for something completely different ...<br /><br />I had an anxiety dream today, and it was disappointingly banal. I was in college again, taking a biology class(!), and I had an oral report due ... on bluegills(!!). I walked into class assuming I was prepared--after all, I had notes, and I've taught for many years, so I can prattle on endlessly with minimal preparation--only to learn that I had forgotten my notes and had no recollection of anything I learned while preparing them.<br /><br />Gee. How novel. I might as well have showed up without pants.<br /><br />The interesting thing is that it was me now, not me as a student ... so I didn't argue with the professor. I just asked him how many points the presentation was worth (152!?) and told him I was probably going to drop the class. His response was a wholly appropriate shrug.<br /><br />When I woke up I was feeling quite anxious and relieved that it was only a dream. My only consolation is that I've probably inspired nightmares like that once or twice. At least I hope so. I want to be your superego!Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2